This week I'm joined by Ella Clarke, a lived experience advocate currently working for LENs as an Expert by Experience. Ella spent three years in hospital under a section, living with an eating disorder and undiagnosed ADHD, and now uses that experience to help others, from families to healthcare professionals, understand what eating disorder treatment and recovery actually feel like from the inside.

The gremlins that never stop talking

One of the things Ella shared that's stayed with me is how she describes the eating disorder voice in her head, not as her own thoughts, but as separate, persistent "gremlins" that never really switched off. It's such a vivid way of putting into words something so many people find impossible to explain, and it's exactly why we've borrowed her phrase for this episode's title.

Falling through the gaps in mental health services

Before Ella ever reached hospital, she'd already spent years falling between services, caught in a loop of being too unwell for one team and not unwell enough for another, all while those gremlins got louder and harder to ignore. It's a pattern that comes up again and again in conversations about eating disorder treatment, and Ella's experience of it is a stark reminder of what earlier intervention could have prevented.

Learning to trust eating disorder treatment

Once she was in hospital, Ella is remarkably honest about what actually helped her start to trust the process, and what didn't. There's a real difference between being treated as a diagnosis and being genuinely listened to as a person, and she talks candidly about the specific moments, some small, some much harder won, that helped her feel safe enough to open up in an environment that can understandably feel restrictive and frightening.

The ADHD diagnosis that changed everything

It was partway through that admission that everything shifted. Ella describes her ADHD diagnosis, which came while she was still in hospital, as the real turning point in her eating disorder recovery. We talk about why finally understanding her brain differently gave her something she'd never had before, and get into the surprising overlap between ADHD, anorexia and binge eating disorder that rarely gets talked about, but that Ella says changed how she made sense of everything that had happened to her.

The small moments that mattered most in recovery

From there, recovery wasn't made up of dramatic milestones so much as tiny, quiet moments, the kind that don't look like much from the outside but ended up meaning everything. Ella shares a few of these with real honesty, and if you've ever wondered what genuine progress actually looks like day to day, rather than in the movies, this part of the conversation is well worth sitting with.

Life after eating disorder recovery

Ella's story doesn't end at discharge. From volunteering at an animal sanctuary to adopting her cat Bella, to a life-changing trip to Borneo to volunteer with orangutans and sun bears, we talk about what it's meant for Ella to slowly rebuild a life that once felt impossibly small, and why believing recovery is genuinely possible can be one of the most powerful tools there is.

Listen to the full conversation

This is an honest, hopeful conversation from someone who's lived every part of what she talks about. If you've ever felt like the thoughts in your head are impossible to quieten, I think you'll find real hope in Ella's story.

⚠️ Content note: this episode discusses eating disorders, hospital admission, self-harm, and mental health diagnoses including ADHD and personality disorder. Please take care while listening.

🎧 Listen to the full episode with Ella Clarke wherever you get your podcasts, or watch on YouTube.

Connect with us:

• Subscribe to the Full of Beans Podcast
• Follow Full of Beans on Instagram
• Listen on YouTube
• Connect with Ella via LinkedIn