That's how this week's guest, Tiffany Luxford, answers a question so many people are quietly told not to ask. Tiffany is an expert by experience and advocate who has fully recovered from anorexia, and she now studies psychology at King's College London with hopes of becoming a clinical psychologist working in eating disorders.

Losing her sense of self

Tiffany's eating disorder didn't begin with food. It began at school, with bullying, identity struggles, and a self-esteem that had worn thin long before restriction ever entered the picture. What started as one thing gradually became something else entirely, tightening its grip until control over food became the one part of life that felt manageable.

Turned away, again and again

When Tiffany's parents finally sought help, they were sent to A&E, more than once, and told the same thing every time: her bloods were fine, so there was nothing more to do. It's a familiar story to so many people who've tried to access eating disorder treatment early, and Tiffany is candid about what that repeated dismissal actually cost her.

Falling between services

What followed was years of being caught in the gaps. Tiffany was 17 when she first went inpatient, too old for some services and not quite old enough for others. Add in the isolation of being an inpatient during COVID, and multiple co-occurring diagnoses that meant neither adult nor specialist services would fully take her on, and it's a story that says as much about the system as it does about Tiffany's own illness.

The double edge of connection

One of the most honest parts of this conversation is Tiffany's reflection on what actually kept her unwell for so long: connection. The friendships she found on the ward gave her something she badly needed, but they also gave her a reason not to want to leave. We talk about how she eventually found that same sense of connection and belonging outside the world of treatment, and why that shift mattered so much.

What actually changed things

Tiffany didn't have one dramatic turning point so much as a series of choices that slowly built on each other, finishing college, going to university, and deliberately putting herself in situations where her identity wasn't defined by her eating disorder anymore. We talk about what that transition actually felt like, and the plan she put in place to protect it.

Rejecting the idea that it never goes away

Tiffany was told, more than once during treatment, that the eating disorder would never fully leave her, that she'd simply learn to live alongside it. She's clear about how much she hated hearing that, and how untrue she's found it to be in her own life. This part of the conversation is a genuinely important listen for anyone who's been told the same thing.

Building the resource she wished she'd had

Tiffany is now building Recovery Wave, a website of lived-experience resources for people navigating their own eating disorder recovery. Born out of her own experience of feeling alone while trying to access support, it's shaping up to be exactly the kind of resource she needed and couldn't find.

Listen to the full conversation

This is an honest, hopeful conversation from someone who's walked every step of what she talks about, and who is determined to change what people believe is possible. If you've ever been told recovery means simply learning to cope, I think you'll find real hope in Tiffany's story.

🎧 Listen to the full episode with Tiffany Luxford wherever you get your podcasts, or watch on YouTube.

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⚠️ Content note: This episode discusses eating disorders, inpatient treatment, and mental health diagnoses including OCD and personality disorder. Please take care while listening.