In this week's episode with Mel, we were talking about how, for so many people with eating disorders, the deepest fear is not just food or weight gain in itself, but what weight gain represents. What it might mean socially. How other people might see them. Whether they would still be accepted, valued, loved, or safe in their body.

And it struck me again just how often eating disorder treatment misses that.

In theory, we say recovery is about freedom. It is about healing your relationship with food, body, and self. But in practice, many people still receive messages that recovery is acceptable only up to a point. Restore some weight, but not too much. Challenge the eating disorder, but do not become “too big.” Feel better, but stay within the boundaries of what society finds acceptable.

That is not freedom. That is just another rule.

In this episode of the Full of Beans Podcast, Mel and I talk about weight stigma, anti-fat bias, and why these conversations need to be happening far more openly in eating disorder spaces. Mel shares both professional insight and lived experience, speaking so honestly about what it means to navigate a world where larger bodies are so often judged, medicalised, or treated as problems to be solved.

One of the most important parts of our conversation was around treatment itself. We spoke about how people in larger bodies are often overlooked in eating disorder services, misdirected into weight management, or left feeling as though their struggles are not valid because they do not fit the stereotype of what an eating disorder is supposed to look like. That stereotype causes enormous harm.

We also explored something I think many people in recovery will recognise: being told, either directly or indirectly, “don’t worry, we won’t let you get fat.”

I understand why comments like that happen. Often they come from professionals who are trying to reassure someone whose biggest fear is weight gain. But reassurance like that does not challenge the fear. It validates it. It tells the eating disorder that yes, being fat really would be the worst thing, but don’t worry, we’ll protect you from it.

What Mel speaks to so powerfully is the need for more curiosity. More honesty. More willingness to ask: what is it that feels so unbearable about being in a larger body? Where did that belief come from? Who taught us that? And is it actually true?

That is such a different conversation from simply telling someone their fears will not come true.

I also really valued Mel’s point that this is not about blaming clinicians or shaming people for getting it wrong. None of us exist outside of diet culture. None of us are immune to the messages we have absorbed about bodies, worth, health, and control. But that is exactly why these conversations matter. Because if we do not reflect on those biases, they will show up in the room whether we name them or not.

For me, this episode felt like a reminder that recovery is not just about eating more or thinking more positively about your body. It is also about building the resilience to exist in your body without your worth being dictated by size. It is about unlearning the rules you did not choose. It is about making space for the possibility that healing may not lead to the body you once thought you had to fight for.

And if that possibility still feels terrifying, that does not mean you are failing. It means there is more truth to explore.

If you are someone navigating recovery, I hope this conversation helps you feel less alone. And if you are a clinician, therapist, carer, or professional working in this field, I hope it encourages reflection. Because if recovery only feels safe for certain bodies, then something has to change.

You can listen to the full episode of the Full of Beans Podcast with Mel now.

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⚠️ Content Note: This episode includes discussion of body dissatisfaction, eating disorders, weight and appearance pressures, puberty, and social media. Please take care when listening.

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Sending positive beans your way, Han 💛