If you’ve ever struggled with your relationship with food, you’ve probably heard phrases like “just eat normally” or “everything in moderation.”

But what does that actually mean?

Because for many people, it doesn’t feel simple at all. It doesn’t feel like a choice. It doesn’t feel flexible. It feels like something you’re constantly trying to get right, without ever quite knowing if you are.

In this week’s Full of Beans podcast episode, I spoke to nutritionist, sports therapist, and author of You Can Eat That, Joshua Hills. His work focuses on helping people rebuild their relationship with food in a way that feels realistic, calm, and sustainable. But what really stood out in this conversation was not just what he knows professionally, but what he has lived through personally.

Growing up around anorexia shaped the way Joshua understands food, connection, and recovery in a way that goes far beyond nutrition advice.

When food becomes more than just food

One of the most powerful parts of this conversation was the reminder that food is rarely just about food.

It’s about how we cope, how we connect, how we feel safe and how we make sense of ourselves. 

Joshua spoke about growing up noticing that something around food wasn’t quite right, without necessarily having the language for it at the time. And I think that’s something many people relate to in different ways.

Eating disorders don’t always appear suddenly. They often develop gradually, becoming embedded in routines, habits, and ways of thinking that start to feel normal over time.

And that’s what can make them so difficult to recognise, both in ourselves and in others.

The behaviours aren’t always the full picture

Something we explored in this episode, which I think is so important, is the idea that the same behaviour can mean very different things depending on the person.

For example:

• Tracking food might feel structured and supportive for one person, but obsessive and overwhelming for another.
• Eating something “challenging” every day might feel chaotic for one person, but like necessary exposure and progress for someone recovering from restriction.

This is where things can get confusing, especially in a world that likes clear rules around food. But the reality is, it’s not just about what you’re doing. It’s about how it feels and what function it’s serving.

Why “you can eat that” doesn’t always feel true

On the surface, “you can eat that” sounds freeing. But in reality, many people already know they can eat something. The difficulty is that eating it might come with guilt, anxiety, a sense of losing control, or the feeling that you’ve done something wrong.

So whilst the permission might be there logically, it doesn’t always feel true emotionally.

And that’s where the work often sits.

Emotional eating isn’t the problem

Emotional eating is often framed as something negative, something to fix or eliminate. But when you step back, it makes sense that food would have an emotional role in our lives. We celebrate with food, connect through food, comfort ourselves with food. That isn’t the problem.

The problem is when food becomes the only way we know how to cope.

Joshua described this really helpfully through the idea of building an “emotional toolbox.”

Rather than removing food, the focus is on adding other ways to support yourself, so that food doesn’t have to carry everything on its own.

What does “balance” actually look like?

“Balance” is one of those words that gets used a lot, but rarely explained.

And I think what this conversation highlights is that balance doesn’t look the same for everyone.

For someone who has been restricting, eating something regularly that once felt off-limits might be an important part of recovery.

For someone else, balance might look like having structure, with flexibility alongside it.

The key is not whether something looks balanced from the outside, but whether it feels sustainable and supportive from the inside.

The quieter signs of change

One of the most meaningful moments in this episode was when Joshua spoke about his mum saying yes to going out for dinner, without thinking about it.

On the surface, it might seem small. But in the context of an eating disorder, moments like that can represent a huge shift. Because recovery is not always loud or obvious. Sometimes it looks like less hesitation, less overthinking, more spontaneity, more space for life outside of food.

And those changes often happen gradually, over time.

Final thoughts

This episode doesn’t offer a quick fix or a set of rules to follow.

Instead, it invites a different way of thinking about food.

One that moves away from perfection and towards something more realistic, flexible, and human.

Because if food feels complicated right now, it’s not because you’ve failed.

It’s likely because you’ve been trying to navigate something that has become very complex, in a world full of mixed messages and expectations.

And perhaps the question isn’t: “Am I doing this right?”

But instead: “Does this feel like something I can live with?”

Because recovery isn’t about getting everything perfect. It’s about creating something that feels a little more manageable, a little more supportive, and a little more like you.

Listen to the full episode with Joshua here.